


love me harder

by Powdear



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sad with a Happy Ending, moonbae dont read this, so much crying godd im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26773381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powdear/pseuds/Powdear
Summary: "you're so pretty,"he couldn't see someone else saying this to him. not the one he wished would. it was just a random stranger.so the only thing kevin could muster right now was, "thanks, my boyfriend thinks so too." before getting up and leaving the other in a daze.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Kudos: 71





	love me harder

kevin's desperation was oozing out of him, slowly and disgustingly, like blood out of a paper cut wound. small but still with it's own say and just a little vicious. he didn't like the atmosphere of the bar one bit, neither did he like drinking all that much but he'd still come here. all alone, letting complete strangers make moves on him, pretending he was okay with it and for a split second.. perhaps he was. in the time he was imagining it wasn't a stranger, he wasn't at this place and it was all alright. for a split second he could imagine their hands belonged to the one he wanted them to belong.

but it was all a delusion of course, _jacob had no place here._ his mind supplied him uselessly after the third guy that had unceremoniously grinded back on him. he sat down at the bar, getting the least alcoholic drink without spending much time talking to the bartender or anyone else, sipping it slowly, counting his minutes.

he could leave, right? what was stopping him? part of him wanted to just get up and leave and another didn't mind staying a little longer. right now, he minded the second option, putting away his disgust with himself and the surrounding, drowning in his own thoughts.

he was dragged out from his mind by the persisting hand on his thigh a few minutes later. 

the dirty blonde hair and measly smirk hanging off of the other's face made him look the least attractive man to kevin when he looked back at him.

"you're so pretty,"

_of course i am._ his mind couldn't make up another imagine at this moment. he couldn't see someone else saying this to him. not the one he wished would say it to him. it was just a random stranger. a man he most likely wouldn't meet again. he had to leave.

so the only thing kevin could muster right now was, "thanks, my boyfriend thinks so too." before getting up and leaving the other in a daze.

  
  


leaving without an umbrella that night perhaps wasn't one of the smartest ideas kevin has had these days, he mused, rain water dripping on his shoulders from his hair, he was soaked either way, his clothes sticking to his body and his shoes giving up keeping his feet dry at the second puddle he stepped in by accident while hurrying to reach the bus stop he had to wait at.

when he stood under the bus stop's roof, it didn't matter anymore. it was midnight and he wanted to cry. and get home. perhaps get home before he suddenly started crying infront of the three strangers that had no idea what was a tall lanky boy crying about in their designated bus waiting area so he held it in like every other big bad man would do and waited.

waited thinking.. _what exactly was i thinking?_ did he act dramatic because he was hurt? maybe. did he have a reason to be hurt? the line here was starting to blur. the only thing needed to get him as worked up as this was someone else hitting on jacob and him just playing around with it. he was mad. but more than that, it made him sad. he wanted to be the one doing that, the one getting to hear jacob's laugh and see his eyes crinkle at the corners but not because jacob was a nice person and didn't want to shoot down anyone. not because he wasn't an asshole.. but how could he tell which one it was? he couldn't tell if jacob was just being nice or if he was serious and this is what brought him at this hell of a place at a time he'd probably be snuggled in his bed watching a movie, listening to music, _drawing._ god, he missed drawing, he had no inspiration. it was almost killing him more than his feelings for jacob.

he needed to get a grip. perhaps think more realistically. he wondered if the other even noticed he left but he did so in a hurry, not looking back. he didn't hear his name being called, and why would he? jacob had done nothing wrong. nothing all that wrong for him to react in the way he did and yet here he was.

and jacob didn't even know about the feelings part. and kevin couldn't guess jacob's feelings either. or lack of. he couldn't believe his own stupidity.

his desperation was turning into disappointment. taking over him in hot waves and making him sick to the core. was this his own fault? he wanted to pounce on jacob for it. for not noticing him, for ignoring his hints sometimes, for being _nice. why couldn't he just._ kevin's mind was not in the right place and he had to find an outlet. he couldn't pretend much longer and he couldn't really get mad at jacob either. he didn't deserve it. most likely. he had to go back calm. before his madness turned into sadness again too.

the bus came after ten minutes of him waiting and thinking nothing helpful.

getting back to their shared place felt like the walk of shame to him. because _oh my god, they were roommates!_ his life has turned into a fanfiction trope. it could've been his last concern if it wasn't coming to bite his ass at the moment. it was only making the situation more hilarious. he had fallen for his uni roommate. cue pining, panicking and _tension._

he took a deep breath once he got off the bus, the moon was leaving a ghostly glow where there weren't street lights to turn the darkness bright.

the wish to run away was getting stronger with each step further he made, climbing a few flies of stairs, walking a hallway that brought him before the door he was supposed to unlock and the tiny apartment he was supposed to walk in.

was it going to feel stuffy enough that he would choke and be unable to breathe once he did? now, he wasn't that sure.

felt like it, even if he was pessimistic sometimes. _most of the time._ he wanted to be optimistic about his fate at the moment so he fished the keys from his pocket and turned the single black painted key in the door lock.

and of course jacob would be still awake once he got back. of course he'd be sitting on his own bed and giving him a concerned look. _why?_ why did he look worried, he hadn't even called him after.

"where did you go? i was a bit worried after you didn't pick up my calls.."

_what?_ "what? i went.. you called me?"

how could he have called him, kevin hadn't heard his ringtone a single time since he left. his mind was racing with the many thoughts that were entering it. of course jacob would notice. _of course_ he would care. kevin looked so stupid right now.

"it went into voicemail, kev"

he panicked, getting his phone out of his back pocket as fast as he could, tapping his screen to wake it up. it stayed dark. it wasn't coming to cause his battery had been dead this entire time.

if the old carpet could swallow him right now, or if he could become one with it, he wouldn't mind at all.

he slapped a hand over his forehead, his face scrunching in a painful expression not because it hurt to hit himself but it _hurt_ to be this stupid. he was going to lose his mind.

he rushed to plug it in, ignoring jacob's calls of _are you okay?_ and _what's wrong?_

how could he be… _that_ much of an idiot? once the screen lit up again and his phone was on, he saw.

_5 missed calls from jacob👉_

in the course of three hours. all he had managed to do was make jacob worry. now he surely was going to choke and die.

he felt it once he started hyperventilating and gasping for breath, tears welling up fast in his eyes, he was going to put himself through a _panic_ _attack_ over it.

he couldn't stop it. he stopped hearing the surroundings and instead listened to his accelerating heartbeat, he wasn't sure when he had begun crying his eyes out while trying to take a breath but his fingers were wet after he rubbed his eyes.

"...-at me kevin!" his ear distinctly picked up which made him look up to see jacob stare at him worried out of his mind, he reached for his hands.

jacob took kevin's hands rubbing slowly before he switched to hold his face instead, rubbing his cheeks gently a few times.

"do you hear me now?"

kevin nodded.

"breathe with me, come on,"

_exhale. inhale. hold 1, 2, 3, 4. repeat_.

jacob did this with him for a while, making sure kevin was following his lead and was getting calmer with it.

"i'm so sorry for this," kevin hurried to shy away from jacob's touch as fast as he was alright again.

jacob's thoughts were doing laps similar to race riders on the track because he didn't know what exactly happened and he didn't want to address it and risk to freak kevin out again. he was going to.. be quiet and wait for him to talk first but not leave his personal space yet. unless he caught signs that kevin wanted him to.

"i like you"

jacob's head snapped to find kevin so fast, he risked getting whiplash.

"i hate myself," kevin continued. "and i'm so sorry that i put you through this right now and that i ran away, i'm so sorry, i swear"

_he liked him?_ it was time for jacob's eyes to widen. not just in surprise but hope. _was kevin serious?_

_most likely._ jacob's mind short-circuited right after that thought.

"you don't have to say anything back," kevin hurried to reassure, trying his best to stay calm enough.

jacob's eyes watered. kevin _liked him?_ was the universe playing a joke on him, was he imagining this? what was happening.

"kevin…." jacob's voice was shaky, perhaps even broke a little there somewhere. "did you cry because you worried me?"

and jacob's eyes were so earnest, so wide and watery when kevin looked at him that he wanted to escape to another planet.

"i.." this and a few other reasons. "i didn't mean to," is what kevin mustered eventually, trying and failing to speak much of his mind.

didn't mean to cry? didn't mean to worry jacob? kevin had no idea which one of those he meant. he just wanted this to be over as soon as it could be.

_you fool._

"why are you.. crying?" an alarm went off in kevin's mind, the need to protect jacob from an unknown threat kicking him into action and making him forget anything else because tears were silently running down jacob's face and he was still looking at him as if kevin wasn't realizing something really important at the moment. ".. cobie?"

kevin patted jacob's hair slightly, not knowing what to do to comfort him.

"i think we should've talked before all of this happened," jacob sniffed, trying to stop more tears from falling. "i think we were both idiots,"

"what?"

"i like you too, kevin"

way too many heartbeats passed before any of them looked away from the other or said another word, realization soaking kevin the way rain was earlier that night. he was _cold._ he realized right after he was back to earth.

once jacob realized that too, he sent kevin off with the promise to get clothes ready for him and make him tea.

kevin was an absolute fool inlove. and to his ultimate surprise so was jacob.

they could make it work.

**Author's Note:**

> fellas.. have a good day 💔


End file.
